Cavik

Two weeks ago today I was fired. This would be the first job in 15 years (I started working when I was 14 and I am 29 now) that I have been fired. This is only the 4th time in those 15 years that I have been unemployed. Twice I was with a business until they closed shop but I saw it coming, once I moved cross country and I was prepared.

I won't lie I saw this coming. I wasn't really surprised. I was hoping however to hold that off until I could leave on my own terms or at least had something to fall back on. Sadly neither happened. I knew before I even left work the day before that I was going to be canned. Before I could hardly even log into my computer they called me into a meeting and told me that I was being let go.

To be honest it was, in a way, a relief. I hated that job. The company was anal beyond reason. For example staples had to be at 45 degree angle on the upper left hand side of the page. Yes they had a fucking staple policy. ??? The dress code was straight out of retard land. We had to wear button ups and ties, and I can get behind that. They wanted a professional environment. I completely understand that. However restricting the shirt colors to white or pastels just does not make any sense. Seriously would I really be doing anyone harm if I wore a black dress shirt to work instead of white? Wait what am I saying the people around me would stop doing their jobs to look at my shirt all fucking day, how silly of me.

While I went home and went straight to work on finding a job and making a claim for UI. It felt like I was on vacation. I loved it.

So the question is what I am I going to do now? Look for a job obviously and in the mean time hope like hell they approve my UI and they approve it soon. I'm also taking this time to get the ball rolling for school again. (I put it on hold when I found out I had to move.)

In other news tomorrow I have a wedding to go to. I am looking forward to getting out of the house and seeing a few people I haven't seen in awhile.

Things are begining to settle down abit around me, more or less, and I am still enjoying my apartment/roommate. Tonights activities included syncronized naping in the living room (we have to sofas), soda/teriyaki chicken bowl run, and then just sort of sitting in the living room while I bummed around the internet/played abit of wow on my laptop and she did her homework. All in all a pretty nice evening.

Roommate will be out of town this weekend so I have the place to myself this weekend, sorta, Lane is going to crash here Friday night.

In other news I spoke with an old friend that I haven't seen in roughly 10 years. Ya know for silly as I think the whole social networking thing is, there are some positive things that can come from it. Which reminds me I need to see if I can find a couple friends I had while I lived in Texas about a billion years ago. I would be need to see what they are upto these days.

Zombieland: EPIC




I think that pretty much sums it up. The was much ROFLing and many many lols.

Today's PA strip kills me. Dead.

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Right so I just set up my computron at my new place. I'm still surrounded by a ton of boxes and I'm torn between just chilling for awhile and pushing ever forward with the unpacking process.


I moved everything over yesterday with the help of a couple friends that win major your cool points. The new roomie is out of town this weekend so I've had time to damage control the mess moving has created in the living room. Well save the things I put in the kitchen. Hey its on my to list.

There is something very cozy about this apartment that I can't quite put my finger on. I am not sure if its the decor that I've moved into or the apartment itself, either way...

Right so back to unpacking or a nap... one of the two.

Just when I thought I was done with WoW...

So clearly I have failed at the goal of posting every day.

Life, or at least my life over the last 15 months, seems to be in a constant state of flux. Some of it self induced, some of it forced on me. Stability whenever I think I have found it is pulled out from underneath me and I am left scrambling for a toehold on something... anything.

I find myself in that situation again. And as with the last time change was forced on me I have no idea what to do, or more to the point, what I want to do. I have several options before me, three of which are realistic and viable.

(Don't we love vague posts about things?)

Short and the long of it is I am, once again, looking for a place to live. I will not get into the reasons and wherefores because it is ultimately unimportant and retelling the story will not change my situation.

So as I see it I have three options.

1. Find my own place. There is a lot of appeal to this idea. I mean I could set my own rules, invite people over if and when I felt like, I don't have to worry about annoying my roommates, I wouldn't have to deal with them annoying me. The benefits are many. However the problem is cost. I'm not 100% confident I can do it with the places I have found and the money I currently make. Working for Comcast it wouldn't have been a problem. But for the little pay I get it would be very tight.

2. Find a place to move into. The upshot is rent and utilities would be cheaper and I wouldn't have to worry about if I could afford it. Downside is I don't know anyone who needs a roommate, so I am left looking for strangers. That to me has many hidden problems. First is will I get along with them? I am not looking for best friends but I don't want to live with enemies either. Secondly will I be able to trust them? Also will they respect my boundaries and will they trust I respect theirs?

3. Move, again. Yup back to California as it would be the only place I would have to go. Upshot friends, family, safety net of sorts. Downsides I would have to move in with the 'rents for a couple months until I find a job, a car, and a place to live that I can afford. Now for the record finding work in California is really freaking hard right now.
I will probably end up making less then I do now. And oh yeah I fucking hate California.

Here is the problem I am not really moved by any of the options. I'm looking because I have to go somewhere. I have few reasons to stay where I am and few reasons to move again. I have moved so many times that I am basically down to owning nothing. No bed, no car just a couple computers and my clothing.

Even if I do get my own place for a very long time I will have nothing to put in it. I probably wouldn't invite people over due to embarrassment.

Damn why couldn't this come a bit later when I had more assets to work with? Hell a shitty car would help a lot, not that walking and using public transport have been bad mind you.

I've learned a lot in the last 15 months or so but the cost has been really high, emotionally as well as financially. I'm tired, I'm broke, and I just want to stabilize thing and get a real chance to rebuild. I'm not satisfied with much in my life and I'm not really sure where to begin.


Wow I posted all of that above like an hour ago... I got distracted by the daily news letter from the ECA. Oh yeah I forgot I am a new member. I signed up during PAX. The most fun I've had in a long while.

That is really why I'm up here. That is my draw. Games and gaming, I just forget about it sometimes. Here I'm closer to one of the nations gaming hot spots. Sure I'm an hour away but sure beats the hell out of being 12+ hours away. I am a Enforcer and I love it. I love being near geek culture. That is why I am here, at least it is now. I moved up here for friends I don't have anymore. I came back for friends that I'm not on the best standing with right now. But really when it comes down to it I missed being near things like PAX.

I know what I want I even know how to get there. I just need to stabilize my life to do it. And do it as stress free as possible. So I'll keep looking. Maybe get a different job, maybe find a new apartment with new roommates. Roommates that will respect the schedule I will have to keep to stay with all the work I will be doing.

But once I get stabilized I will start the journey. It will in all likely hood be hard as hell but I think I can do it.

In other good news, dad, pending a background check, has a new job! Go pop. He will be back in a field he dearly loves AND he will be getting paid more then he was at the job he had last. Well done sir! Well done indeed!

Oh in other news PAX kicked ass. Wil Wheaton signed my enforcer card, I meet a voice actor for WoW, and I was staying in the same hotel as MC Frontalot.

And in other good news I've officially lost 50lbs. From a peak of 280+ I am down to, as of today at the doctor, about 232lbs. I'm not sure when I'll stop but the trend is a good thing. Down side is some of my clothing is to big for me now but I don't want to buy clothing if I am going to keep losing the weight. Once I stabilize hell yeah but now it seems a bit like throwing away money. So yeah woohoo a thinner more svelte me!

Also sorry for the wall of text.

In a phrase? Scared recently upgraded to out right terrified.

Right so today was full.

Started out like any normal boring sunday. Kinda got side swiped by something I should have seen coming. Kinda rattled my cage abit. Went for a walk down town took up camp at a coffee shop and wrote. I just did a mental core dump on the page. Went to Freds and found all 3 seasons of Venture Brothers which I picked up.

Came home made a pizza fired up VB and generally went in to a complete hedenist mode. Not two eps in I got a call from a friend who came over. We played games for awhile then went out for food and have a nice conversation. All in all, and with the exception of the start its been a good day.

Playing descent.

>
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> I wasn't 20 feet away.
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I damn near forgot to post this. I applied to go back to school today. If the finicial aid, which I applied for today also, comes through I will be hitting the books again by the end of sept.

I am worried I will do what I normally do with school and blow it off. But I have grown up alot since then and I see this as a last chance to do something I want to do with my life.

In away I also see it as a chance to retake control of my destiny. For several reasons I let others dictate my future. I can't blame them I was just along for the ride. But it's time to put myself behind the wheel and let some else ride with me.

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I was intending to post yesterday but after I finally got home I pretty much fell over.


Today was spent on an anime binge. I have not done that in a while. I hope the urge to watch the rest of the series consumes me before I loose all interest in it. Perhaps I can catch an episode or two tomorrow after work?

In other news the diet change is still doing well. With a few mistakes, due to misunderstanding information, or ignorance I have "stayed the course". I still have mighty strong urges to break down and devour things I know I shouldn't but I am getting them less frequently while learning to deal with them more effectively.

Most everything I "miss" I have alternatives for but I still want the convenience of eating something on a whim. Take pizza for example. I love pizza, dearly. I have found several GF solutions for pizza that are quite tasty. They are every bit as good as what I grew up on. However I can't call up a pizzeria and order a pizza spur of the moment. I can't just grab a slice when friends or roommates have pizza in the house. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying they shouldn't bring it over. I just miss being able to pick up a slice or two and not worry about it.

In the brain/head/mental health department, things have been and are continuing to be going very well. As long as I am careful with what I eat I don't have relapses. Socially I have stopped fixating on one person, wishing to spend every second I can with them, while at the same time wanting to be rid of everyone else. I actually want to get out of the house, to meet new people, and enjoy the company of those I have befriended.

Large clusters of people making a lot of noise still bothers me but I can tolerate it. I still prefer a quiet smaller setting with a few of my closer friends. I'm still shy and quiet around people I don't know or am uncomfortable with.

Slowly I'm noticing ambition starting to seep into my system. I'm trying to get things set up to get back into school doing something I want to do. Hopefully I can get all my ducks in a row this week and get the process started. My only real concern is the same as anyone else in my position. Money. Hopefully I can find a way to do this with out working full time. That would be nice. Finding away to do this with out working at all would be more then I could ask for.

Alas I become long winded again. I will save you all from my continued ramblings and bid you all a pleasant night. May your dreams be full and your morning bright!

Quick note before bed. The iPhone has Cthulhu in the spell checker. I less then three apple.

Chris taking a quick break from rock star 2 to pose for a contact list
photo.

I almost forgot. Ya ever forget? It happened to me.

Damn near didn't post today thus breaking my little promise to myself. So game night was good. Suprisingly I spent a great deal of the time doodling on my character sheet while we played. Nothing exciting mind you, I usually erased what I did as soon as it was finished. Still I don't draw that much so it suprises me.

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I almost forgot. Ya ever forget? It happened to me.

Damn near didn't post today thus breaking my little promise to myself. So game night was good. Suprisingly I spent a great deal of the time doodling on my character sheet while we played. Nothing exciting mind you, I usually erased what I did as soon as it was finished. Still I don't draw that much so it suprises me.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I need a walk. Apparently a long walk. A walk that kept me out until
8:30.

While I was out I started taking pictures of things I found interesting.
Such as the very tiny electric car.

A very vibrant colored flower. And a picture of the sunset at the bay.

I am actually kind of impressed with that picture considering it was shot
directly into the sun. Go my camera.